Patience is a Virtue…Sometimes

The key word here is “some.”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about patience.  In general, I need to practice it more regularly.  When something needs done, I want to do it.  When something is wrong, I want it fixed, corrected, edited or healed right away.  When something needs said, I want to say it.  This is often called “drive,” “ambition,” or being a “go-getter.”  And none of those things are bad.

At least, not when the results are actually in your control.  In a relationship of any kind – romantic, friendship, on a team at work, more often getting results is not completely in my control.  (Ugh.)

So, at what point does patience come into play, and at what point does patience become settling?  Think about it this way.  The career I wanted wasn’t happening for me as I worked at someone else’s company waiting for an opportunity to truly shine and be fulfilled by my work, so I left to start my own company and created my dream job.  There, lack of patience could have prevented me from settling, waiting, and either wasting time before finally being happy with my work or maybe never having found that happiness at all.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here.  I think the first thing to consider is how much you can control in the situation.  If I want to spend more time with someone who is not available, I can express that frustration but it’s up to that person to make a change in their schedule, or for me to wait patiently until they’re able to do so.  My control there is limited.  If I want to launch a new project and my time is limited to prepare it, it’s up to me to either shift my priorities in my schedule, or put the project on hold if other priorities take precedent.

This is how I’m going to approach drive and patience now:  Is patience the necessary grace here, or is it complacence?  Do I take action now, or is there a better moment to pounce – or is this in someone else’s hands?  And when patience is the answer, there’s only one place I know to get it.  (Hint: not from within myself, that’s for sure!)

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When have you struggled to call upon patience?  When have you been able to act instead?

13.1 Reasons Why I’m Going to Run 2 Half Marathons in 2013

Running is still a miraculous thing to me, even though I’m not quite beginner status any longer.  I went for a run Sunday just before I came home to New York, and the motions came naturally to me; I don’t focus on counting my breath as much, and my “take it easy” pace is what was once my “out of breath” pace.  But I still think to myself in surprise, ‘It wasn’t very long ago that this was difficult – what I thought was impossible – for me!'”  I am in awe of the possibility of running.

And that brings us to reason number 1 why I plan to run 2 half-marathons in 2013:

1. Running makes me believe that anything is possible.
2. I like where I am with my 5K, so this is the next rung on my ladder!
3. It’s an excuse to travel (the half-marathons on my list are LA and Seattle).
4. It’s an experience to share with my best friend, Heather.
5. Running keeps me healthy!
6. Running keeps me looking good in my cocktail dresses, (and jeans, and let’s admit it – I’m hoping for my best bikini body ever this year.)  Take a peek at my motivations here and here.
7. Running motivates other healthy behavior in my life: better sleep patterns, smarter eating choices, self-confidence…
8. It’s good for me emotionally.  I liken running to emptying an emotional reservoir.
9. It also gives me uninterrupted time to think.  I’m not online, I’m not looking at my phone, I’m not reading or writing.  I get to spend some time with me and my own thoughts.  What’s bothering me? What am I excited about?
10. It makes good memories! (See photos – Looking back it’s so fun to see all the different types of runs, causes, and seasons!)
11. The gear is pretty!
12. I run outside, which is time to spend enjoying the world and praising God for his creation.  I notice things like the light at different times of day, the seasons changing, cloud patterns, birds.
13. It’s mentally challenging; Running is more a mental exercise than anything else.  It’s a moment-by-moment battle within your own head of I-can-do-it/I-can’t-do-it/Shut-up-yes-I-can.

Have you run a marathon or half-marathon?  What reward(s) did you gain from the experience?  What are some of your personal growth goals for 2013?

Oh, and since I promised you 13.1 reasons, here’s the .1: “Why not!?”

Click here to visit my secret health and fitness page, and click below to see pics of some of my past races!

The Happy Ten

I just caught myself doing that thing we call appreciating the small things – without effort! Wow!

What a great way to end the week, right? So I thought I’d share. Here are ten things that made me happy this week. But here’s the rule. Once you read mine, you have to tell me yours.

Ready? Go!

1. Watching the blue flames under the tea pot.
2. Running more than 3 miles, which means I’m on my way to my next goal of being able to do 5.
3. Packing a suitcase!
4. Watching football.
5. Hearing my clients say things like, “I can’t wait to start that next project with you!” “You should charge more!” and “We have so much to celebrate!”
6. Sharing the happiness of a particular man.
7. Ordering the books for my next French course, which starts Monday.
8. Seeing Manhattan over the river when I walk to the store.
9. Pumpkin Spice is at Starbucks. (Heaven forbid I forget that one!)
10. Writing the script for a wedding ceremony that I’ll perform next month – in MEXICO.

Ok, a deal’s a deal. Your turn:

 

Broken Glasses

I had a recurring dream when I was little, maybe around the time that I was 9 or 10, that my glasses were lost or they were broken and I couldn’t see.  This must have come from some deep rooted fear, a discomfort of the unknown, born in me right along with the gene for horrible eyesight.  I do not like when I cannot see.

It’s true that “seeing” as in planning and predicting the future is illusion most of the time.  It’s a silly comfort that we rely on when there is really no way to know what will come tomorrow, next year, or five from now.  Regardless, a clear picture of what I imagine is to come is the pillow I hug to myself to get to sleep at night.  Some say that it’s that time spent imagining that motivates us to create those circumstances.  Maybe I’m goal setting.  I imagined running my own business and now I’m doing that.  You picture yourself at the end of the marathon and you keep on running.  Whether I’m goal setting or trying to predict, the fact is, right now, I cannot see.

I was in New York last week.  One night, after spending a long day walking a hundred plus blocks looking at apartments, I still do not know what the apartment I will live in looks like.  I don’t know which pieces of furniture will fit, what will be new and what will be old.  I don’t know how my life will blend with someone else’s in a very very small space.  And I am vastly uncomfortable with the not-knowing.

I’m ten years old again, feeling my way through the racks at the clothing store seeing only blobs of color and no shapes or path.  I’m not even sure what I’m looking for.  But as I’ve discovered over and over, some of the best stuff is what you don’t see coming.

The Bigger Steps

On the Met steps.

It’s a funny thing when you realize something that everyone around you has known for some time.  You know what I mean, you say to your mom “I’ll think I’ll be a teacher” after 3 different majors and years of her telling you you’d make a great teacher.  Or you tell your best friend you’ve decided to go back to blonde because red maybe isn’t your color and she looks at you like she’s glad you’ve finally figured it out.  I’ve been getting that look a lot lately.

As you may have guessed after several months of hinting, I’ve decided to move to New York.  I’m not exaggerating when I say everyone I know, from old friends to new, from relatives to facebook friends I’ve never even met in person, everyone I know has had the same reaction: “Of course you are!”

And they’re right.  I probably should have moved there years ago, though everything happens for a reason.  The work I’m doing now – which is the most fun and challenging and rewarding and demanding in my career history – may not have come to be had I moved sooner.  So of course there are reasons.  But the good thing about the I-should-have-known I’m facing now is that it truly confirms that I am making the right decision.  My personality, my work, my hobbies, my friends, it all lines up with New York and I’m not the only person who thinks so!  (WHEW!)

The adventure begins in just a couple of short months, and you’ll surely be apprised of all the goings-on.  Let me encourage you, if you’ve been wanting to make a move, start a business, or take any step that you’ve been hesitating over: Have faith in yourself.  It might not be easy.  It might be terrifying and risky and may or more likely may not turn out like you think.  But the bigger steps are the ones that take you farther, and the places you find in life that you didn’t predict are the ones worth finding.

Here’s to your next adventure!

Gravity

What is perhaps the greatest lesson I learned in college has nothing to do with economics, sociology, or finance, (definitely not finance!), but rather was something my favorite professor said without a lesson plan or even a whole lot of emphasis at all.  He said, “surround yourself with people who are better than you”.  Nine words with so much truth and importance, and the power to transform.

I’ve made an effort to live this advice. In work, I like to meet and create relationships with people in my industry who are doing what I’m doing, only have been doing it longer or do it exceptionally well.  I watch them, I listen to them, I learn from them and I improve.  In my personal life, I find friends who have strong character, who are inspiring and have faith and love well.  In love, my greatest goal is to find someone who challenges me.  An advisor from a church I was attending told me, “there is no such thing as standing still.  If you aren’t moving forward you are moving backward.”  I want to cultivate relationships with people who are moving forward, too.

Think about it this way.  If you connect something in the air to something on the ground, a la the shape of a slide, what happens to the thing on the top?  It moves downward.  It, well, slides.  It’s the Law of Gravity.  Your metaphoric playground must provide you with higher rungs to reach for, to swing on.  Something on the ground cannot propel you to great heights.  Speaker/Author Rory Vaden posted recently, “most people don’t want to acknowledge what they are good at because they are afraid that they’d have to do something great with it.”  Or as Marianne Williamson famously said in what is overall a beautifully written piece, “We are all meant to shine, as children do”.

Pay close attention to the company you keep.  Your friends, co-workers, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, should make you stand taller, shine brighter.  Examine the impact you have on others, too.  Hopefully you do the same for them!

Look at yourself in the mirror today and say (or sing!) these words.

“Here I am and I stand so tall.  Just the way I’m supposed to be.” -Sara Bareilles

The Mysterious Allure of Danger

I get it from my Dad.  My adventurous spirit, my eagerness for thrills.  I never met a roller coaster I wouldn’t ride, even when I was too short next to the “must be this tall” signs.  Motorcycles, those amusement park bungee swing things, cliff diving, it’s all so alluring to me.

Dad got his first motorcycle when he was sixteen.  He rode it from Pittsburgh to California and back, just to do it.  He has been skydiving umpteen times.  Even though he calmed down some after having a family, my brother and I were raised with adventure.  We hiked Diamond Head in Hawaii, went snorkeling in Jamaica, raced four-wheelers around our farm land.

Now my brother travels the world as a surfer/photographer.  Dad is still riding his motorcycle into his 50’s, and I’m always looking for ways to challenge myself and try something new.  Indoor rock climbing is one of my favorite ways to get a rush and a great work-out.  I can still remember the terrifying thrill of climbing a wall for the first time, not yet trusting the belay system entirely, not knowing my own strength level, shocked at how high off the ground I was from my own power.

As I consider all of this, I find myself wondering what it is about adventure, especially when there’s an element of danger, that is so fascinating?

If you’ve read New Moon from the Twilight series, which I admit I’ve read twice, you’ll recall that in the wake of Edward’s sudden abandonment, Bella finds danger (riding motorcycles, cliff jumping, talking to scary strangers – which I don’t suggest), as a comfort.  Maybe this relates to my “putting stones across a pond” theory of coping through creating new experiences.  Unlike Bella, most of us don’t hear voices in these cases.  On second thought, maybe we do.  Maybe we hear our own voice, or God’s voice, in those moments of clarity that come when your feet leave the cliff, in the silence when you’re underwater with a thousand colored fish, in the wind and snow at the top of a mountain.

Perhaps it’s not just coping but the drive to create a unique life, to experience things that not everyone is willing to do.  In Don Miller’s most recent book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, he describes his journey from being someone who accepts things as they are to being one who challenges himself to “live a life worth living”.  Our lives should be great stories, he says, as he signs up for a bicycle ride across the country.

Even if you’re not a danger-junkie or even an athlete  (I am certainly not an athlete), find a level of risk in your life that you’re almost (but not quite, for what would be the point) comfortable with.  Learn to surf.  Run a marathon.  Start your own business.  Get lost in a new city or country.  Challenge yourself.  Live a life worth living.

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” -Leo F. Buscaglia